If suffering is inevitable, then we should ask ourselves about the purpose of our suffering. To do this, we must be self-aware.
Self-awareness begins with a simple understanding of one's emotions. Then, one must ask why we feel certain emotions. And, finally, one must ask why do I consider this to be success/failure? How am I choosing to measure myself?
The last level of values is the most important to understand. A lot of advice focuses on making people feel good in the short term while ignoring the deeper root of the problem. If you understand your core values, you can use them to reframe any situation. We get to control what our problems mean based on how we choose to think about them and how we choose to measure them.
We instinctually measure ourselves against others, but we should ask ourselves by what standard do we measure ourselves. Our values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else. If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure and success.
Some values create problems that cannot be solved, and these values should be avoided: pleasure, material success, always being right, and always staying positive (when we force ourselves to stay positive all the time, we deny the existence of the problem, which doesn't give us a chance to solve it). Some good values are honesty, innovation, standing up for oneself, self-respect, and curiosity.
Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive and 3) immediate and controllable. Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive and 3) not immediate or controllable.