Pinpoint Your Primary Love Language
All right, now you know the five love languages, but how can you tell which one is your primary one? It's actually pretty easy to find out:
First, ask yourself what you most often request of your partner. It's likely that the things you ask for the most are the things that you find most emotionally fulfilling. Then follow your instincts and consider what comes to mind when you want to feel truly appreciated. Perhaps it's spending time with someone or receiving praise.
Once you know what feels good, consider what your partner does that hurts you. In fact, painful relationship experiences can be an accurate guide to finding your love language. Just think back on what your partners have failed to do for you in the past.
For instance, if someone you were close to caused you serious pain or failed to show you love in the way you wanted, perhaps that person simply failed to understand the way you desired to be loved. If all such instances fall in the same category, there's a good chance that that category is your primary love language.
But your upbringing also has a major effect on the development of your love language. So it's helpful to consider how your parents made you feel loved (or unloved) while you were growing up. Such memories are another path to figuring out which language you speak.
For example, Ella's main love language is receiving gifts, but to figure that out she had to think about bad experiences from her childhood. Specifically, she recalled a Christmas morning when she was a little girl:
Her older brother put little effort into choosing her present and, to save time, gave her something he'd found lying around the house. By recalling this moment and remembering the emotional pain it had caused her, Ella saw how important receiving gifts was (and is!) to her.
And remember: once you pinpoint your and your partner's love languages, be sure to use that knowledge. After all, communication is what true love is all about.
Pinpoint Your Primary Love Language
All right, now you know the five love languages, but how can you tell which one is your primary one? It's actually pretty easy to find out:
First, ask yourself what you most often request of your partner. It's likely that the things you ask for the most are the things that you find most emotionally fulfilling. Then follow your instincts and consider what comes to mind when you want to feel truly appreciated. Perhaps it's spending time with someone or receiving praise.
Once you know what feels good, consider what your partner does that hurts you. In fact, painful relationship experiences can be an accurate guide to finding your love language. Just think back on what your partners have failed to do for you in the past.
For instance, if someone you were close to caused you serious pain or failed to show you love in the way you wanted, perhaps that person simply failed to understand the way you desired to be loved. If all such instances fall in the same category, there's a good chance that that category is your primary love language.
But your upbringing also has a major effect on the development of your love language. So it's helpful to consider how your parents made you feel loved (or unloved) while you were growing up. Such memories are another path to figuring out which language you speak.
For example, Ella's main love language is receiving gifts, but to figure that out she had to think about bad experiences from her childhood. Specifically, she recalled a Christmas morning when she was a little girl:
Her older brother put little effort into choosing her present and, to save time, gave her something he'd found lying around the house. By recalling this moment and remembering the emotional pain it had caused her, Ella saw how important receiving gifts was (and is!) to her.
And remember: once you pinpoint your and your partner's love languages, be sure to use that knowledge. After all, communication is what true love is all about.
#PinpointYourPrimaryLove